r u calling me fat?

Me: Hello!
Su: I'm Su, and I'm fifteen years old.
Me: Do you like Mexican food?
Su: Yes, I love everything food. I'm foodie.
Me: Oh, me too! I love Mexican food and sushi.
Su: But, I am skinny.
Me:...me too.
Su: Really?
Me: Yes.
Su: REALLY?

Me: Have you traveled to India?
Learner: Yes, terrible experience.
Me: Did you drink the water?
Learner: Yes, much diarrhea.

Me: What animal is this?
Joe: This is chicken.
Me: Yes, this is a chicken.
Joe: Yes, yes. A chicken. When I lived in the Philippines I raised chickens for cock fights. Now I work in office. Have big house.

Me: Do you have any pets?
Hero: My granddaughter.

Me: How is the girl?
Elly: She is embarrassed.
Me: Have you ever been embarrassed?
Elly: Yes. I was pooping.
Me: Um...what happened?
Elly: My friend came to see me and my mom told her I was pooping.  So embarrassing.

middle-aged Japanese men are fun...

ME: What do you like to do in the morning?
Learner: I wake up smoke cigarette right away.
ME: Do you get out of bed or brush your teeth?
Learner: No, must smoke immediately.
ME: What do you do at night?
Learner: Drink liquor. Smoke cigarettes.
ME: Do you do anything else?
Learner: Sometimes play poker.

ME: What did you do last night?
Eddy: I came home from Academy, played video games, ate my dinner and read a book before bed.
ME: What did you read?
Eddy (excited): A book about Steve Jobs!
ME: What did you learn about Steve Jobs?
Eddy: He is a great inventor and he CANNOT BE STOPPED!

you're supposed to be dead...

Me: How does your character's story end?
Learner: I took a nap in the hospital then woke up and bought the hospital with my money. Happy ending!
Me: A nap? That's not where I was going with that.
Learner: I know but I don't want to die.

kids are more fun than parents...

Dan: Hello teachah.
Me: Hi Dan, call me Charhybdis. How are you?
Dan: I am angry!
Me: Why?
Dan: I am hungry and my mom and dad will not let me have dinner until I finish my lesson.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. Well, let's work quickly.
*muffled voices of Dan's parents yelling in Korean*
Dan: I'm sorry teachah. I am very happy to be here and work with you today.