Me: What country are you from?
Mac:(15 yrs old): Japan
Me: I've always wanted to visit Japan but I've never been.
Mac: Uh oh. Do not visit Japan.
Me: Why?
Mac: Fukushima!!!

Me: What color is the woman's hair?
Learner: Her hair is brown color.
Me: Yes, her hair is brown. And what is she wearing?
Learner: She dressed like she wants to get raid.

Me: Hello, Nero. It's great to see you again. How are you?
Nero: I am not bad; how are you, teachah?
Me: I'm great, but please call me Charhybdis.
Nero: Okay, teachah.

Me: What do you like to do in the afternoon?
Learner: I'd like to go sightseeing, or paint a picture or go for a swim.
Me: Very good.
Learner: What do you like to do in the afternoon?
Me: Take a nap.
Learner: Typical lazy man.

y don't u believe me?

Me: Where do you live?
Learner: I live in Tokyo.
Me: Oh, you know I love Japanese food.
Learner: Like what?
Me: Sushi, sashimi, gyudon, shabu shabu, sukiyaki...
Learner: And samurais and geisha.
Me: Haha! that's not food.
Learner: When did you live in Japan?
Me: I've never been to Japan.
Learner: Riiight.

r u calling me fat?

Me: Hello!
Su: I'm Su, and I'm fifteen years old.
Me: Do you like Mexican food?
Su: Yes, I love everything food. I'm foodie.
Me: Oh, me too! I love Mexican food and sushi.
Su: But, I am skinny.
Me:...me too.
Su: Really?
Me: Yes.
Su: REALLY?

Me: Have you traveled to India?
Learner: Yes, terrible experience.
Me: Did you drink the water?
Learner: Yes, much diarrhea.

Me: What animal is this?
Joe: This is chicken.
Me: Yes, this is a chicken.
Joe: Yes, yes. A chicken. When I lived in the Philippines I raised chickens for cock fights. Now I work in office. Have big house.

Me: Do you have any pets?
Hero: My granddaughter.

Me: How is the girl?
Elly: She is embarrassed.
Me: Have you ever been embarrassed?
Elly: Yes. I was pooping.
Me: Um...what happened?
Elly: My friend came to see me and my mom told her I was pooping.  So embarrassing.

middle-aged Japanese men are fun...

ME: What do you like to do in the morning?
Learner: I wake up smoke cigarette right away.
ME: Do you get out of bed or brush your teeth?
Learner: No, must smoke immediately.
ME: What do you do at night?
Learner: Drink liquor. Smoke cigarettes.
ME: Do you do anything else?
Learner: Sometimes play poker.

ME: What did you do last night?
Eddy: I came home from Academy, played video games, ate my dinner and read a book before bed.
ME: What did you read?
Eddy (excited): A book about Steve Jobs!
ME: What did you learn about Steve Jobs?
Eddy: He is a great inventor and he CANNOT BE STOPPED!

you're supposed to be dead...

Me: How does your character's story end?
Learner: I took a nap in the hospital then woke up and bought the hospital with my money. Happy ending!
Me: A nap? That's not where I was going with that.
Learner: I know but I don't want to die.

kids are more fun than parents...

Dan: Hello teachah.
Me: Hi Dan, call me Charhybdis. How are you?
Dan: I am angry!
Me: Why?
Dan: I am hungry and my mom and dad will not let me have dinner until I finish my lesson.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. Well, let's work quickly.
*muffled voices of Dan's parents yelling in Korean*
Dan: I'm sorry teachah. I am very happy to be here and work with you today.

ME: Do you like dogs?
Learner: Yes.
Me: Do you have a dog?
Learner: No.
Me: Do you have any pets?
Learner: One feesh.
Me: What's his name?
Learner: He has no name.
Me: Name him after me.
Learner: Ok, I will do this.

Overheard at Jewel's deli counter...

Jamie: How can I help you?
BlackWomanOver35: Can I sample a chicken wing? One that's not too hot.
Jamie: Sure.
BW35: Gimme a bigger one!
Jamie: I can't give you more than one.
BW35: What's yo name? I'm gonna tell yo supa-visa.
Jamie: Jamie.
BW35: Just like a girl.
OlderBlackWomanBehindtheCounter: She do this every day.

((evil giant cat face))
Me: Is this cat mean or nice?
Eddy(6 yrs old): He is a mean cat because he is not well trained.

((swimming sea turtle))
Me: Is the turtle swimming alone?
Eddy: The SEA turtle is swimming alone. SEA turtle.

((Indie car race))
Me: Which car is going to win the race?
Eddy: The red car.
Me: Have you ever been to a race?
Eddy: Not a car race. I only go to horse races.

from a place called community college...

Me: Who knows what "decimates" means?
Student: Is that like when someone decimates--like they go to the bathroom on your chest?
Me: No... That's--um--something else.

Me: Do you take the bus?
Elly: Yes.
Me: Where do you take the bus?
Elly: I take the bus to many places in North Korea. I live in North Korea!
Me: ...would you like to visit another country?
Elly: I would like to visit Japan and the USA.
Me: Where would you not like to visit?
Elly: South Korea. I never want to go to South Korea.
Me: ...
Elly: Wait, is Seoul in North Korea or South Korea?
Me: Seoul is in South Korea.
Elly: Oh! I live in SOUTH Korea.

Me: My grandmother is from Italy.
Learner: (very excited) Does she know Snooki?
Me: Snooki is from South America!
Learner: But the Situation is Italian, right?
Me: I think so.
Learner: Do you know him?
Me: ...no.